candesintx

I never realized how attached I was to nursing you until I stopped and thought about having to wean you.

 It’s been 4 months breastfeeding and at first I didn’t thoroughly enjoy that time.  Though more convenient than preparing bottles nursing came at inconvenient times and places.

Suddenly my body is telling me that I have enjoyed it all along, my mind just wouldn’t be quiet enough for me to hear it.

Soon you’ll be joining your older brother at day care so I had to get you on the bottle.  After many attempts you finally succumbed and on July 15^th, 2007 you drank 2oz without a fight.

Now when Daddy gives you the 8 o’clock bottle I get kind of sad.  I keep myself busy and it’s not a HUGE deal but it still makes me sad.  I must remember to pump during that time.

All of this bottle nonsense for day care.  It wasn’t easy leaving Tucker at day care, he was 14 months old.  You’ll be 4months.  I don’t know which is better.

This second time around is really hard for me.  Tucker was able to be with me here at work for a little over a year.  You are only here with me for 3 months.  Your personality is just now coming through.

Ugh, I hate the thought of some strange lady giving you a bottle.  She’ll draw you near.  May be you’ll look to her for recognition and soon you two will form a bond if just for that time you’re together.

I can’t bear the thought of you having to wait your turn to eat or be comforted.  I feel so helpless. 

It’s moments like these that I wish I could stay home with you two.

I’m not ready to let go.