candesintx

tick tick TOCK!

So that’s it.  I am no longer part of the American full time workforce.  12:30pm I walked out of the office building into the next chapter of my life.  I liken the experience to climbing out to the edge of the high dive, standing on the edge ready to jump into the unknowing abyss just hoping the water below will absorb the enormous crash of water I’m about to make.  Or will that water be unforgiving and slap me with a silly red hue that shouts I landed wrong?

Dear God, catch me because, ready or not, here. I. Come.

I suppose I’m in shock.  Familiar emotions hang in the air like the cabin fever of being on maternity leave in the cold wet November, unable to leave the house with my newborn… a first time mom. 

I’ve been waiting for this day all year, since the moment I was thrown into a sales position at my job.  A square peg being forced into a round hole.  It just wasn’t the perfect fit for me.

I’m looking forward to organizing my home.  I feel the pressure from stacks of papers and receipts on our desk, or the mounting laundry begging to be washed.  There are meals to plan, rooms to clean and boys to teach. 

I imagine it will take me some time to get my groove on.  I have big dreams with sobering thoughts that I won’t get everything I want to get done. 

I dream of actually gardening during the week rather than waiting for the right week end.  I will have the boys to contend with and make sure they are safe and not messing with the pond.

I will have plenty to keep me busy here at home.  I still work part time for my church and I will do after-school care for my neighbor starting January 5^th.  My “former” boss wants to contract me to do their trade shows.  So, I’ll be making money and still feel like I’m contributing to our finances.

I hope I don’t fail anyone as a mother.  I hope I don’t disappoint my family.  I felt so in control at work; organized but when I’m home I feel stupid and incompetent at times, especially when Todd asks me "Do you have a plan?"

   
Wondering what 2009 holds for us...